Question

7. How your identity scripts and attachment style may affect your understanding of romantic relationships. IF references are used please list.

Answer 1

Attachment styles are deeply rooted in one's childhood. Attachment styles depend on how a child responds to a parent and the bond that they share. For instance, a young woman finds out that her boyfriend has been hiding from her a sexual fetish and he has been watching porn of this sexual nature. He said he wouldn't watch it anymore and that she helped him through it, but she knows he's still attracted to it and she will still have issues with it. It has caused her to rebel a lot lately, and she really loves him and only wants him but the sheer anger almost makes her want to cheat just to get back at him. A lot of times she gets irrationally angry and hurt towards him and she really thinks this is the underlying issue. Prior to this discovery, he has made her insecure about her weight and looks because she is a short dark haired girl, and he normally prefers tall blondes or redheads. He checks out other girls in front of her sometimes, which makes her really upset because it is this underlying message that she is not what gets him off. He tells her all the time how attractive she is, but she still has this pain underneath it all.

The young woman here has characteristics of ambivalent attachment. It is a type of an insecure attachment style where an individual worries about their partner not loving them. It is a nagging feeling which arises from low self-esteem and insecurity of a partner leaving. Researches show that children who exhibit characteristics of an ambivalent attachment style often show displeasure and throw tantrums when their parents are not available for them. This leads them to be insecure and makes them fear that they'll leave them and never come back. The young girl has an insecure pattern of attachment which affects her understanding of a romantic relationship.