Question

The following cover letter outlines how the writing fits the criteria from the job posting and asks for an interview. This message does not employ an audience centered, professional tone. Additionally, the message contains several verb errors (tense and passive voice), number usage errors, grammatical errors, spelling errors, sentence errors (run-on, comma splices, etc.), and style errors.

Instructions: Within the body of the e-mail below, highlight the sentences that contain errors. (Click once to highlight and click again to remove highlight.)

October 5, 2011

Kinder Morgan
Jerusalem Station
Littleton, NC 27850

Dear Sir or Madam:

Re: Line Patroller Position

I hope you please consider accepting this letter an application for the line patroller position posted on the Kinder Morgan web site. The listing states that the line patroller’s primary purpose is to “perform and coordinate work group activities including patrolling, locating, and inspecting construction and inspecting excavation of company gas/liquids pipelines, appurtenances, compressor stations, process plants, and other related facilities.” I would like to elaborate on several qualities I possess in the areas of effective decision-making skills, ability to deal with pressure, planning/organizing/following-up skills, and teamwork skills that make me the perfect candidate for the Line Patroller position.

Throughout my career, I have reviewed items from simple reports to elaborate architectural drawings and have made recommendations. As an officer in the US air force, I regularly reviewed and wrote important documents and not only briefed colonels and generals but provided recommended courses of action to deal with achieving our objectives.

While employed at sunshine bank I worked closely with our architects who designed new branches and our corporate headquarters. My role was to make recommendations regarding the safety and security of the buildings for our clients, employees, and assets. I also regularly briefed the executive board of the bank to information them of my recommendations and our progress.

My proven record of success in the areas listed above will prove to be an asset for Kinder Morgan. You will find that my experience and character make me the perfect candidate to fill the line patroller position. Take the next week for consideration, and I will call to schedule the next step to becoming part of your organization.

Sincerely,
Peter E. Sampson

Answer 1

October 5, 2011

Kinder Morgan
Jerusalem Station
Littleton, NC 27850

Dear Sir or Madam:

Re: Line Patroller Position

I hope you please consider accepting this letter an application for the line patroller position posted on the Kinder Morgan web site. The listing states that the line patroller’s primary purpose is to “perform and coordinate work group activities including patrolling, locating, and inspecting construction and inspecting excavation of company gas/liquids pipelines, appurtenances, compressor stations, process plants, and other related facilities.” I would like to elaborate on several qualities I possess in the areas of effective decision-making skills, ability to deal with pressure, planning/organizing/following-up skills, and teamwork skills that make me the perfect candidate for the Line Patroller position.

Throughout my career, I have reviewed items from simple reports to elaborate architectural drawings and have made recommendations. As an officer in the US air force, I regularly reviewed and wrote important documents and not only briefed colonels and generals but provided recommended courses of action to deal with achieving our objectives.

While employed at sunshine bank I worked closely with our architects who designed new branches and our corporate headquarters. My role was to make recommendations regarding the safety and security of the buildings for our clients, employees, and assets. I also regularly briefed the executive board of the bank to information them of my recommendations and our progress.

My proven record of success in the areas listed above will prove to be an asset for Kinder Morgan. You will find that my experience and character make me the perfect candidate to fill the line patroller position. Take the next week for consideration, and I will call to schedule the next step to becoming part of your organization.

Sincerely,
Peter E. Sampson