Question

Describe an ethical dilemma that you experienced, or have witnessed in a change leader, when attempting to initiate change. How was the ethical dilemma resolved? What can a change leader use to guide decision making when faced with an ethical dilemma?

Answer 1

The biggest ethical dilemma I faced was during my best friend's wedding. She was extremely happy for her marriage and so was her whole family and me. We in India have extended functions that run for 5-7 days and around at palatial residence was packed with guests. Her fiancé was our mutual friend only.

The big problem happened when 2 days before her wedding I happened to see her fiancé with another girl in a restro bar in the mall where I went for shopping for the wedding. My friend have had a doubt on both of them earlier which was followed by a big fight between her and her fiancé but her fiancé after some days convinced her that her doubts were groundless. This time I saw them sitting in a darker corner of the bar and they were awkwardly close to each other. I did not approach him and kept praying that that should be my doubt and maybe he is just spending some time with that girl who may be genuinely his friend and nothing else. I wanted to believe that there is nothing wrong but I was extremely worried for my best friend and because in our culture, few days before marriage bride and groom do not step out of their respective homes, leave aside meeting with different guys and girls unaccompanied. Also the closeness between them at that bar restaurant kept on confusing me. That day I could not sleep. Had I talked to my best friend and my doubts found to be lame, I would have spoiled her mood extremely badly and if I don't take a step and he is involved with that another girl, my best friend's life would get spoiled, but if the marriage breaks, what shall happen to my best friend’s family’s reputation. I was so worried that they have arranged such lavish functions and events, all will go in vain,such thoughts kept on coming to me that day.

Next day, I decided that as I have almost no time left, I sat down, wrote pros and cons of my talking to my bestie or her family, and the work proved that my being quiet can be more damaging so I decided to speak to her elder sister. Though I was very worried as her sister was keeping busy with preparations and she could have disregarded me thinking I am a fool. However to my surprise when I spoke to her, she narrated me a similar experience where she had seen her sister’s fiancé with another girl but thought it was okay and never shared it with her sister as she did not want to spoil their relation. We then decided to quickly find out more about the matter before it is too late and we did, talked to many of our mutual friends who believed that there is something wrong with the guy( ,my friend’s fiance) and they are frequently seeing him with another girl, with their help we contacted that girl and found out that even she is marrying another guy in few weeks however she is in relation with my friend’s fiance but as their families are not agreeing for their marriage they have decided to marry as per families’ desire and continue their relation after marriage with different people.

I and the sister quickly informed my best friend and her family who behaved very supportively, my friend broke down but today after 3 years when she remembers that tragic situation, she feels that it saved her life. She found true love and is happily living with that guy now.

A change leader or any one faced with ethical dilemma should take care of the following:

-never respond too quickly

-never lie, unless it is for a life

- devise a strategy based on facts logic and sound advise

-prepare in advance as to how you are going to communicate

-know your ethical, legal and moral commitments and adhere to agreements.