Question

Consider John Allen Lee's styles of love. Which one do you think you are? What do you think your partner should be to give that budding relationship a good chance? And when that relationship really gets going, and you've got your first fight, how are you going to establish a solid foundation for effective communication? What are the warning signs that this relationship is about to fail? How do you stop it?

I recommend that you use a single example from your own experience, and analyze it from the new point of view you should have developed from reading the chapter. If you cannot think of a relationship (or do not want to talk about an existing one), just imagine one (your chance to imagine your perfect partner if you'd like, and even here, there will be fights).

Answer 1

Considering John Allen's theory of Love styles, I believe my relationship has pragma style. This style of love is very practical and realistic. I prefer a person whom I can share common goals with. Though people consider it as "business like" I think sharing common goals will be more satisfying that living with somebody who has contrasting goals. For example, both my partner and I love to travel and would like to keep our retirement life adventurous by exploring a lot of places. If my partner wants a silent and calm retirement life, it contradicts my life goal. When we fight, communication plays an important role in making up. We try to abstain from words that would hurt each other. We like to indulge in conversation that is  more "adult like". We believe it is better to talk it out than holding it within ourselves. We seek suggestions from each other for preventing similar fights in the future. I believe lack of communication is a warning sign that the relationship is going to fail. A couple may not spend their entire time together. But quality time matters a lot. If they can communicate well during that time, the quality of the relationship will remain the same.