Question

Consider what happens when two people with different (or identical) love styles develop or  attempt to develop a love relationship 
(there is potential humor and tragedy here!). Your task:  Create two (2) profiles or scenarios of two couples using any combination of
love styles outlined in chapter 7 (and handouts if necessary). What would this relationship look like? Could it work? 

Why or why not?  For example, what would a relationship between the ludic lover and the storgic  lover look like, or the manic lover 
and the pragmatic lover? Have fun and feel free to be creative. Also see attached for an opportunity to assess your own love styles!

How do the love styles impact the experience of falling in love and loving?

Answer 1

The researcher Robert Sternberg attempted to explain love as containing three elements, namely: intimacy, passion & commitment. While intimacy comprises of feeling of affiliation, a sense of belongingness & connectedness, passion encompasses the state of being aroused. This incorporates both physical and emotional high. Commitment on the other end is a sense of long term belongingness wherein it is ascertained that this love is here to stay. According to Sternberg, there are 8 different kinds of love: non-love (low on all three elements), liking (intimacy only), infatuated love (passion only), empty love (commitment only), romantic love (intimacy and passion), companionate love (intimacy and commitment), fatuous love (passion and commitment), and consummate love (all three elements).

Canadian psychologist John Alan Lee defines three primary, three secondary and nine tertiary love styles, describing them in terms of the traditional colour wheel. The three primary types are eros, ludus and storge, and the three secondary types are mania, pragma and agape. Individuals with varied love styles can in fact align with one another and end up having a meaningful relationship despite having their own unique love traits. This may not hold true in a case wherein the love styles are completely contrary to one another. In that case the conflicts arising in the relationship may be rather serious & challenging to resolve. Moreover, repeated clashes on similar themes are likely to arise. And unless one or both the people involved have a sense of preparedness & flexibility to inculcate change in them for their relationship to work, it may become a constant struggle for the two. In case of Ludic and storgic lovers, the former is someone who is looking merely for fun element in the relationship. Friendly teasing, harmless pranks on another, engaging in activities that are pure ‘fun’ is the idea of love. The latter on the other end is someone who has more sense of responsibility and a familial sense of love as its base. Here, the person is likely to believe in a more strong foundation of a relationship that has completely grown out of gradually enhancing friendship. Although it’s seemingly true that the two seem different in their approach towards love, true sense of connectedness & a mutual understanding is likely to make both come a few steps ahead to make their relationship work. An open form of communication & immediate resolution of conflicts are something that may help facilitate the same.

The love styles impact the way people fall in love since they have a different outlook regarding love depending on the style that they possess. The idea of love, its significance in their life, it’s assigned role is something that falls under the love style and so may be for the varied kind of lovers.

Pragmatic lover is one who attempts to find meaning and value in a relationship & accepts as well as rejects a partner depending on their perception of their value addition to one’s life. They feel sexual compatibility is something that can be worked out and have a highly rational approach towards love. Such a partner could possibly a misfit for a partner who has a ludus love style. This may be true because ludus lovers tend to look only for fun element in their relationships whereas a pragmatic lover may reject this partner only in the initial screening out phase of connecting, being the rational lover that she/he is.