Question

What attachment styles characterize adults, and how they are linked to relationship outcomes?

Answer 1

Secure Attachment – Securely connected grown-ups have a tendency to be more fulfilled in their connections. Youngsters with a secure attachment see their parent as a secure base from which they can wander out and freely investigate the world. A secure grown-up has a comparable association with their sentimental accomplice, feeling secure and associated, while enabling themselves and their accomplice to move uninhibitedly.

Secure grown-ups offer help when their accomplice feels bothered. They likewise go to their accomplice for comfort when they themselves feel vexed. Their relationship has a tendency to be straightforward, open and equivalent, with the two individuals feeling free, yet cherishing toward each other. Securely joined couples don't have a tendency to participate in what my dad, clinician Robert Firestone, portrays as a "Dream Bond," a fantasy of association that gives a misguided feeling of wellbeing.

Anxious Preoccupied Attachment – Unlike securely joined couples, individuals with a restless attachment have a tendency to be urgent to shape a dream bond. Rather than feeling genuine love or trust toward their accomplice, they regularly feel passionate appetite. They're oftentimes looking to their accomplice to save or finish them. Despite the fact that they're looking for a feeling of wellbeing and security by sticking to their accomplice, they take activities that push their accomplice away.

Despite the fact that restlessly connected people act frantic or insecure, as a rule, their conduct worsens their own feelings of dread. When they feel uncertain of their accomplice's sentiments and perilous in their relationship, they regularly move toward becoming clingy, requesting or possessive toward their accomplice. They may likewise decipher autonomous activities by their accomplice as assertion of their feelings of trepidation. For instance, if their accomplice begins mingling more with companions, they may think, "See? He doesn't generally cherish me. This implies he will abandon me. I was correct not to believe him."

Dismissive Avoidant Attachment – People with a pompous avoidant attachment tend to sincerely remove themselves from their accomplice. They may look for disengagement and feel "pseudo-autonomous," going up against the part of child rearing themselves. They frequently put on a show of being centered around themselves and might be excessively taking care of their familiar luxuries.

Pseudo-freedom is a hallucination, as each individual needs association. In any case, individuals with a pompous avoidant attachment tend to lead all the more internal lives, both precluding the significance from securing friends and family and isolating effectively from them. They are regularly mentally protected and can close down inwardly. Indeed, even in warmed or passionate circumstances, they can kill their emotions and not respond. For instance, if their accomplice is troubled and debilitates to abandon them, they would react by saying, "I couldn't care less."

Fearful Avoidant Attachment – A man with a fearful avoidant attachment lives in a conflicted state, in which they fear being both excessively near or excessively inaccessible from others. They endeavor to keep their emotions under control yet can't. They can't simply stay away from their uneasiness or flee from their sentiments. Rather, they are overpowered by their responses and regularly encounter passionate tempests. They have a tendency to be stirred up or erratic in their states of mind. They see their connections from the working model that you have to go toward others to get your requirements met, however in the event that you draw near to others, they will hurt you. As it were, the individual they need to go to for security is a similar individual they are terrified to be near. Subsequently, they have no sorted out procedure for getting their necessities met by others.

Effect on adult relationships:
Our style of attachment affects everything from our partner selection to how well our relationships progress to, sadly, how they end. That is why recognizing our attachment pattern can help us understand our strengths and vulnerabilities in a relationship. An attachment pattern is established in early childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood.
This model of attachment influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met. When there is a secure attachment pattern, a person is confident and self-possessed and is able to easily interact with others, meeting both their own and another’s needs. However, when there is an anxious or avoidant attachment pattern, and a person picks a partner who fits with that maladaptive pattern, he or she will most likely be choosing someone who isn’t the ideal choice to make him or her happy.

For example, the person with a working model of anxious/preoccupied attachment feels that, in order to get close to someone and have your needs met, you need to be with your partner all the time and get reassurance. To support this perception of reality, they choose someone who is isolated and hard to connect with. The person with a working model of dismissive/avoidant attachment has the tendency to be distant, because their model is that the way to get your needs met is to act like you don’t have any. He or she then chooses someone who is more possessive or overly demanding of attention.

In a sense, we set ourselves up by finding partners that confirm our models. If we grew up with an insecure attachment pattern, we may project or seek to duplicate similar patterns of relating as adults, even when these patterns hurt us and are not in our own self-interest.