Question

does hearing someone you admire talk about thier struggles make it easier to talk about yourself?

Answer 1

1)

The person that anyone usually wants to talk to is sometimes the hardest because you feel some sort of tension or emotion filled up that makes it impossible to approach them or even keep up a conversation. It just means you’re overthinking it. I actually am still working on this.

No matter how social I am, or come off to some people, it can still get awkward if you’re overthinking what to say or do. It doesn’t necessarily matter how long you’ve known someone or matter how long you guys have been having normal conversations, things can change.

For example, I’ve met this guy on the first week of school. Due to a lot of coincidences, situations, how we first met each other, he eventually became close to me. That’s change now though.. He’s never on his phone anymore, we’re both busy, some convos get awkward (IMO), and it’s all because my feelings are becoming more serious, which causes me to overthink.

Like you shouldn’t have to plan what to say early ahead of time unless it was a school presentation or test or something. Because when I see the guy, we used to always say hi, those because smiles, then a lil nod, now we just walk past each other… unless I say or do something.

Planning things ahead of time can cause you a lot of doubt, it can cause you to get nervous, and it almost always come out wrong, different than how you wanted or you end up saying nothing.

It’s definitely hard to talk to someone if you didn’t know them well before and then something happens, they see you in such a way before even actually knowing you. So you could never possibly keep up a convo or even ever approach them. Which is why I kept things lowkey..

The guy today still doesn’t know..I don’t know when to tell him, it’s been almost half a year of keeping quiet and about 9 months now that we’ve known each other. I plan to tell him in the future someday, not any time soon though, you gotta know if what you’re feeling is temporary you know?

If I had a whole day to talk with him, I wouldn’t plan out what to talk about and force myself not to daydream what I want or should happen. Going with the flow will almost never do you wrong.

So the moment you want to say something to someone, say it (unless it’s mean or from your anger). Try not to think about it. Another thing though that makes it hard to talk to someone is if they’re talking to others. I currently sit at a table where the guy is at, with his friends who are also my friends.

They mostly talk about soccer or marvel. I could barely chime in ever so I was mainly quiet. But now regardless of what they talk about, I find a way to create other temporary convos :/ Honestly, it’s hard to talk to people who don’t have much common grounds as you. I try to always be in a hyper/happy mood though because then I can easily just talk whatever I want to say and be in a good mood. Just go with the flow

2)

Yes, sometimes in our minds, we create a glorified image of a person. But it's not that tough to talk to your crush or someone you are looking up-to.

It's only in our perception we create a higher space for them and so the mind is conditioned that way. We also have fascination towards things that are hard to achieve. Also your endocrine system plays a part in this too, and overflow of some hormones leads to fumbling, nervousness and similar stuff.

So basically it's your mind tricking you, which you can easily overcome by being yourself. You will automatically be confident if you be who you are.

3)

People too often put people we admire and long for on a figurative pedalstool and place an unnecessary barrier between ourselves and that person.

What it sounds like you’re really asking is, “why do I feel so paralyzed by the thought of talking to or approaching the person I like?”

It’s likely because you’re fixated on a goal in your mind, to be with that person, and any thing short of that goal would feel like an absolute catastrophe.

My Advice:

Practice approaching and sparking conversation with random people; if that sounds terrifying, start talking with people you have absolutely no interest in (i.e, older folks at a bus stop)

Start with a smile. Smiles go a long way.

Say “hi.” It’s a conversation, not a puzzle.

Remember that humans naturally long for connection, of any and all types. Connect with people not because you want something and not just with those you’re interested in romantically.

… care for yourself, your loved ones, and about your impact on others. Care less about saying the perfect thing at the perfect time, all the time

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