Question

Scenario: You are the parent of a 13-year-old son and a 17-year-old daughter. You and your spouse have recently decided to obtain a divorce. The decision is that you will retain custody of the children and your spouse will have them every other weekend. Your spouse will be moving out this coming weekend. Now the children have to be told. Using your knowledge about individual differences in susceptibility for the development of adverse outcomes discuss how you will tell your children about the divorce?

List the factors to be considered in the conversation

Provide specific examples that reflects your conversation with a 13-year old and a 17-year old.

Answer 1

First of all, I would request my spouse to join me when I initiate the conversation and as it’s a weekend, we have more time to spend with the children. Since my daughter is 17 and son is 13, they both will be able to understand the situation as they were brought up in a culture where divorce is not a grave word.

I would start saying that we have an important information to tell you both. You both aware that change is inevitable in our lives and it’s acceptance to change that would make us strong. Today, we are facing a very significant change in our family. You both are aware that we both were trying to make things work better for a long time but we couldn’t. We tried to work it out atleast for you but we couldn’t. So, we have decided to be separated and work things out.

We will not blame each other for the decision because as adults, we need to make things work and make it better for everyone. You both are very important to us and we both will be around you. Remember, we are still a family but only thing we are getting separated for a while to make us stronger.

You will be staying with me and you can visit your father during alternative weekends but I would allow you any time you want to go and visit. We will still go out once in a while and celebrate your birthdays together. I’ll be there to meet all your needs because earlier we both were there but now I’ll be responsible. Feel free to talk to me if you need anything. I know you both are very strong and accept our decision.

To my 13 year old boy – Hi, I know you will miss your father a lot because he was the one who used to drop you at school and accompany you to the soccer games. I know he helps you out with your homework and you both play video games together. I also know that you are going to miss him a lot but don’t worry I’ll try to match him with all my potential and time.

To my 17 year old daughter – you are becoming a woman now and you’ll definitely miss your father because he is your hero. He helps you out with most of the things that you do at home and school. You need to be strong because we both are going to take care of the little one. You share a lot of things with him and he used to take to the dance school. Don’t worry, I’m going to do that from today onwards. HE is part of the family and anytime you like to visit him, you can do that.