Question

What does Ruiz mean when he writes, “Nothing other people do is because of you?” Why does he say that we should not take comments personally, even if they are directed at us?

Why does he say, “Even the opinions you have about yourself are not necessarily true?”

Answer 1

• Taking things personally is all about ourselves; our ego. We think the world revolves around us and everything people do is specifically targeted to us. Intellectually that may sound ridiculous or extreme, but it’s what we do all the time without realizing it.
• You’re personalizing when sitting at a restaurant and it takes 10 minutes for your server to acknowledge your presence, so you think he/she is deliberately ignoring you for any myriad of reasons.
• In reality you have no idea what’s going on: your server may have thought someone else was taking care of you; there may be issues behind the scenes you’re not aware of; he/she may be having personal problems and not fully present. None of these have anything to do with you, but when you personalize, you think they are. It gives you an excuse to direct your anger toward someone else.
• Ruiz explains, “Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.”
• Your reality is your reality and their reality is theirs.And others reality cannot influence yours.When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.
• People are going to do and say whatever they want—you can’t control that. But you can control how you respond. According to Ruiz, even if someone says something hurtful like “You’re fat” or “You can’t do anything right,” it still has nothing to do with you. It’s a reflection of their own view of the world and insecurities.
• On the flip side, if someone says “You’re wonderful and amazing,” that’s also not about you. You being wonderful should come from inside, not from what someone else says. This is the epitome of not personalizing. Again, it’s never about you.
• Ruiz continues, “Whatever people do, feel, think or say, don’t take it personally… by taking things personally you set yourself up to suffer for nothing.”
• By accepting others reality,you are letting them over power you and diminish your own reality which defines you as a person,which is why what others say,should not matter and rub off on your reality.Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it up.
• Even the opinions you have about yourself are not necessarily true; therefore you don’t need to take whatever you hear in your own mind personally.Don’t take anything personally because by taking things personally you set yourself up to suffer for nothing.When we really see other people as they are without taking it personally, we can never be hurt by what they say or do. Even if others lie to you, it is okay. They are lying to you because they are afraid.
• The whole world can gossip about you, and if you don’t take it personally you are immune. As you make a habit of not taking anything personally, you won’t need to place your trust in what others do or say. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you.