Question

1.Information Technology leaders, including information assurance and security professionals, communicate through various channels including e-mails, texts, and social media. It is imperative that the IAS professional communicates in a concise, professional, and courteous manner. The tone of the communication impacts how the receiver interprets it. Based on the readings in this unit, you study the different aspects of planning and drafting message with an intended meaning. Employing an adaptive writing technique and use of positive and courteous tone and language will result in a more clearer understanding of the sender/receiver relationship. Based on the Radical Rewrite: Watch Your Tone! (Guffey & Loewy, p. 58), review the scenario and provide at least five specific writing errors. Include examples.

To:	All Staff
From:	Sybil Montrose <[email protected]>
Subject:	Problematic Online Use by Employees
Cc:
Bcc:
Attached:	E-Mail and Internet Policy

Once again I have the decidedly unpleasant task of reminding all employees that you may NOT utilize company computers or the Internet other than for work-related business and essential personal messages. Effective immediately a new policy must be implemented.

Our guys in IT tell me that our bandwidth is now seriously compromised by some of you boys and girls who are using company computers for Facebooking, blogging, shopping, chatting, gaming, and downloading streaming video. Yes, we have given you the right to use e-mail responsibly for essential personal messages. That does not, however, include checking your Facebook or other social accounts during work hours or downloading shows or sharing music.

We distributed an e-mail policy a little while ago. We have now found it necessary to amplify and extrapolate that policy to include the use of the Internet. If our company fails to control its e-mail and Internet use, you will continue to suffer slow downloads and virus intrusions. You may also lose the right to use e-mail altogether. In the past, every employee has had the right to send a personal e-mail occasionally, but he must use that right carefully. We don’t want to prohibit the personal use of e-mail entirely. Don’t make me do this!

You will be expected to study the attached E-Mail and Internet policy and return the signed form with your agreement to adhere to this policy. You must return this form by March 1. No exceptions!

List at least five specific writing faults and include examples.

Answer 1

The writing faults in the E-Mail are:

1. There is no salutation in the mail which is not at all expected because a business communication mail should possess a proper salutation and does not matter to whoever it is being addressed. For example it should start like "Dear Employees" or may be with "My fellow colleagues".

2. The tone of the mail is very much negative and it is more of an order rather than a proposal or a letter to address the issues or concerns. In business communication such a tone is not at all entertained and hence the management should understand that such a tone may actually affect the employees negatively.

3. The email directly is blaming a section of the workforce which is not the ideal scenario because there are employees who are actually not involved in such activities and may feel bad about this. The communication tone used in the email is not at all professional and it seems that it is like as scolding for kids.

4. The structure of the email is incorrect because it consists oaf just one paragraph unlike a business email which should possess salutation, reference, i9ntroduction, body, expectations, salutation, etc. There should be a regards as well which is again misusing in the format.

5. The tone has been so aggressive that while explaining a real situation also it seems that the person is scolding the employee, instead I believe the issue, the outcome and the effect should have been communicated in a more professional manner which could have actually resolved the issue and made it clear.