Question

Following are very early drafts of memos businesspeople have sent to their bosses or co-workers. Revise and edit each draft, referring to the Revision Checklist on page 70. Turn in your revision and the final, reader teady copy. As you revise, keep in mind that you may have to delete and add information, rearrange the order of informationand make the tone suitable for your readersAs you edit, make sure your sentences are and concise.

TO: All workers

FROM : Blackwell DATE : February 3, 2016

RE : Parking

The parking violations around here have gotten very, very bad. And the administration is provoked and wants some action taken . I don't blame themI have been late for meetings several times in the month because inconsiderate folks from other divisions have parked their cars in our zone. That just nor fair, and so we in our department must not be the only ones who are upset. No wonder the management finds things so bad they have asked me to prepare this memo.

A big part of the problem it seems to me is that employees just cannot read signs . They park in the wrong zones They also park in visitors ' spots The penalties are going to be stiff. The administration , or so i was to belleve , thinking of fining any employee who does not obey the parking policies . I know for a fact that I saw someone from the research department pull right into a visitor parking area last week just because it was 8:55 and he did not want to be late for work . That gives our business a name People will not want do business with us if they cannot even find a parking spot in the area that the company has reserved for them.

Vice President Watson has taid the law down to me about all this and told me to let each and every one you know that things to improve One of the other big problems around here that some employees have even parked their car in loading zones, and security had to track them down to move.

As part of the administration's new policy, each employee is going to be issued a company parking policy and will have to come in and sign for verifying that he received it. I think things really have gotten out of hand and that some drastic action has to be taken. We will all have to sharpe up around here.

Answer 1

This is the revised version of the memo with added, deleted, and rearranged sentences according to the need.

To: All workers

From: Blackwell

Date: February 3, 2016

Re: Parking

The parking violations have turned pretty bad as there have been inconsiderate employees from other divisions occupying our parking zones with their cars due to which even I’ve been late for meetings several times in the month. The Administration is furious and wants to take an action. I was asked to prepare this memo by the management as it is unfair and upsetting for all of us.

The employees don’t tend to read the signs, they park in wrong zones. Even visitor’s spot is being occupied as I witnessed someone from the Research department park in this zone because it was 8:55 and he didn’t want to be late for work last week. This would drive people away from doing business with us when they can’t even find a vacant spot in a reserved place for them which would in fact degrade the reputation of company. Some employees even parked their cars in loading zones which led to security tracking them down to move. Hence it’s fair to fine any employee who violates the policies with penalties.

Vice President Watson has told me to let each and every one of you know that things should be improved. Things have gotten out of hand and a drastic action has to be taken. As a part of the Administration’s new policy, each employee is going to be issued a company parking policy and is expected to come and sign in to verify that he received it. We all have to sharpen up and abide by the policies, the ones failing to do so will face penalties.

comment for any doubts!