Question

Caring for a child with a chronic or serious illness (e.g., cancer) may be quite stressful for parents. Why is it important for parents to effectively manage this stress? How can parents be assisted with coping and what should parents do to assist their child in managing a chronic or serious illness?

Answer 1

When a child is diagnosed and battling with chronic or serious illness, it is normal for parents to feel anger, sadness and guilt. These can spike the levels of stress for the parents, especially for mothers, as they are the primary caregivers for the child. It is best that the stress be managed for the sake of child as well as for the parents. It is important to deal with it because it can physically, mentally as well as emotionally affect the individual. Stress can lead to anxiety and stress related disorders like generalized anxiety disorder, acute stress disorder, panic attacks, depression, etc. In the long run these affect physically causing mental disturbance (concentration disturbance, memory problems, dysphoria (unhappiness), etc.), appetite and weight changes, sleep pattern changes, heart related problems, blood pressure, etc. Stress also causes emotional disturbances like being emotionally weak, mood swings, changes in behavior (being angry, or using other defense mechanisms), changes in your thoughts, wrong judgements and decisions, etc. These changes can indirectly affect the child too. So, it is better that stress be effectively managed for a better life and for coping with the situation at hand.

Parents can deal with their stress by relaxing. They can have a little time off for themselves during the day to do what they like to help them relax and deal with the day's stress. They can practice relaxation techniques like breathing methods, meditation, mood music, relaxation bath, etc. They can also engage in their favorite hobby to help them relax. Best way to deal with the stress is not being in denial about the illness, denial increases stress. And feeling guilt, or anger will not help either. So, best to let go of these emotions. Eating well, exercising, not overworking, and sleeping well will keep the parents physically as well as mentally fit. They can enlist the help of a health counsellor or a psychologist to help deal with stress, as well as for dealing with any complications regarding the child (like transitioning, helping child deal with disease and its stress, behavior help, etc.).

Parents can help the child in managing the illness by remaining calm and happy themselves. Parents' emotions affect the child directly as child observes his/her parents. So, if a parent is sad, or angry, the child will feel the same and it can cause bonding problems, and behavior problems in child. Parents should not become over-controlling, over-protective, or overly-permissive just because the child is sick. They should treat him/her normally as they were doing before. They should try to indulge the child as they would do with a normal child. They should indulge the child in plays, hobbies, as well as some work around the house (that is allowed in his/her condition) to make the child feel included. Talk to the child about the condition in age-appropriate way. Establish communication and talking about feelings and emotions felt by both parties. Provide both physical and mental support without limiting the child. If the child has a sibling include him/her too in the team, the other child should not feel left out or ignored. Tell the sibling about the child’s condition and teach them how to care for each other. A child’s best friend in such times are usually siblings who are closer to them in age as compared to their parents.