Question

Make your claim in one succinct sentence to answer this prompt: "Tell about a time you failed badly. What did you learn and how did your behavior change afterward?" Example: "I once addressed the whole church but froze up; after that I knew I had to prepare better, so I did."
That sentence is a claim, but an empty one. What needs to follow is observable, sensory data to substantiate that claim. Example: "After a youth group trip, I was asked to stand at the podium and tell the whole church what it meant to me. I looked out on the hundreds of faces looking at me, and I couldn't think of a thing to say. Dead silence for over a minute. Finally, the pastor came and thanked me, and everyone laughed a little. My face burned, and I stumbled back to my seat. After that, I knew I had to make notes and practice. Every time I speak to a big group, I scribble notes furiously on a dozen pieces of paper beforehand and organize my thoughts. Then I practice--talking to myself in the shower, at the kitchen sink, in bed before I go to sleep, I have not repeated that horrible event, and now I like public speaking--making people laugh and smile." Tell a story (in other words, provide data) to substantiate your claim. Use the STAR method: give the Situation, the Task, the Action you took, and the Result.

Answer 1

When I was very little, I nearly drowned once because of which I have struggled with the fear of water for several years and never attempted to swim again.

During my first grade summer vacation, my mother decided to enroll me for swimming lessons. I spent a couple of days learning the preliminary techniques and was confident that I’d be soon able to swim. In the meanwhile, I was invited to my aunt’s home for lunch and she had a swimming pool in her backyard. While my elders were busy among themselves, I jumped into the pool believing that I had learned to swim. However, I hit my head on the base of the pool and struggled to stay afloat. Images of death began to float before my eyes. I screamed as hard as I could and soon saw my dad appear to rescue me. I received a sound thrashing for my recklessness and refused to complete my swimming lessons. Since that day, I have stayed away from water bodies altogether. They evoke a sense of deadly fear in me.