Question

Parent–child relationships may include communication that “shoots the other person down,” which often adds fuel to negative situations. Assess the effect of harsh communication patterns between parents and children, and generate alternative patterns of communication.

For each statement, generate a healthier alternative statement.

I don’t understand why you do these things.

How could someone with your brains and your background do such a thing?

I do not understand how one little _____ is going to hurt you.

You never tell me what you’re thinking.

I demand an apology.

Answer 1

The effect of harsh communication patterns between parents and children are largely negative as such a communication pattern creates a culture of anger, bitterness, venting, hurting, or asserting one's power over the situation as opposed to cultivating an atmosphere of support, understanding and openness that are hallmarks of any healthy relationship (not just a parent-child relationship).

Keeping in mind the above principle for reference, for each statement below, a corresponding healthier alternative statement has been provided.

I don’t understand why you do these things.

Healthier alternative statement: "Being on the other side, I'm not being able to understand what is motivating your actions/making you do what you're doing right now. Help me understand your side of the story."

How could someone with your brains and your background do such a thing?

Healthier alternative statement: "I consider you smart/intelligent/well-informed and so I'm sure there's a reason you did what you did, even though I am not being able to see it right now. Let's talk about it."

I do not understand how one little _____ is going to hurt you.

Healthier alternative statement: "A _____ is not going to hurt you... what is making you hesitate/what about this worries or scares you?"

You never tell me what you’re thinking.

Healthier alternative statement: "I find it hard to understand what you're thinking a lot of the time. I'd love to be a part of it sometimes."

I demand an apology.

Healthier alternative statement: "I felt bad/hurt when you ________. An acknowledgment of that would mean a great deal to me."