Question

Mary is a 60-year-old woman who lives alone in the Midwest and works full time. Mary has a history of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) but so far is able to manage it with medications and lifestyle. Her parents Steve and Joan (ages 88 and 85, respectively) live in Florida in their own home. When they moved to Florida more than 20 years ago there were many retired couples nearby, but the neighborhood is changing and has more working class families with young children now. Many of their old friends and neighbors have died or moved. Joan had a stroke several years ago and has right hemiparesis. Joan can do most of her own ADLs with minimal assistance; however, Steve helps her with showering and dressing. He also helps with all Joan’s IADLs, and does all the cooking, laundry, driving, shopping and managing finances. Mary talks with her parents several times each week. She has noticed that her dad seems depressed and his short-term memory has gotten worse. She is concerned about his ability to continue to care for her mom, take care of household tasks, and pay bills. Mary has broached the possibility of having Steve and Joan move to a retirement community near her, but her dad insists that he and Joan are managing just fine. Mary is concerned about their health and safety, but she doesn’t know what to do.

What are some issues with “long-distance” caregiving?

Answer 1

Answer

Long-distance caregivers, defined as care givers living at least one hour away by car, report having higher care-related expenses and levels of emotional distress than caregivers who live within a short drive of the care recipient.

Many adult children must assist from a distance when their older parents and other relatives need help.

This responsibility can be difficult, stressful, time consuming and costly. Caregivers who live far from those in need of care face difficult questions and issues, such as:

1. Managing Family, Care and Career:

Long-distance caregivers have families of their own and careers to manage and many other responsibilities while arranging care from afar. Most of the time they cannot visit frequently or provide care in the home, the situation can become quite difficult financially and practically. Thus adult children usually end up feeling guilty that they cannot spend more time with their parents and provide the care necessary.

2. Changing needs

As the age of parent’s progress, their needs can quickly change over time. Since they are not there to observe the changes, it can be challenging to know what types of care they may need at any given moment.

3. Knowing When to Go

Most burdensome aspects of long-distance care is knowing when they are needed and when to visit them.

4. Contemplating a Move:

Caregivers think that the issues will be easier to manage if a parent moves closer, possibly into the adult child's home. Those who do move face losing old friends and trying to make new ones. And for those who do decide to move in with their adult children, a history of conflicts may make living together again challenging.

5. Choosing a Main Caregiver

Other common problem they face is figuring who will take the lead caregiving role and how other siblings will contribute or help out. This may cause friction between siblings so an open dialogue is integral as difficult as that can sometimes be.

6. Finding Resources:

Long-distance caregivers often have issues in finding resources and services local to their parents. This can become frustrating and extremely time-consuming. Knowing where to look and who to ask can make all the difference.