Question

Oscar and Olivia are, for the most part, a very happily married couple. They live in Missoula, Montana. Both Oscar and Olivia are outdoor enthusiasts who enjoy skiing, hiking, and fishing in the beautiful country surrounding their town. Oscar has a fairly high-paying job at a computer company, and seems to be “moving up fast.” Olivia has a fairly low-paying job with the county as a social worker. Both have graduate degrees, and were lucky enough to find jobs in the same town. They both like their jobs very much.

One day Oscar arrives home and is very excited. He has just been offered a very prestigious promotion, accompanied by a substantial raise. If he takes it, he will eventually be a vice president of the company. The job does entail, however, a move to Chicago. He thinks Olivia will be excited about the promotion too. He tells her with great enthusiasm.

The following conversation ensues:

Oscar: Olivia, I know this means moving, and that you like your job, but I am sure you can find something in Chicago.

Olivia: But Oscar, I hate Chicago, and I am just now feeling “settled” in my job, and I love it. I don’t want to move.

Oscar: But Olivia, don’t be ridiculous. Chicago is a wonderful place, and I am sure there’s a lot more social work to be done there than in this small-time town.

Olivia: I just don’t want to move and that’s that.

Oscar: You’re making $30,000, and I am making $48,000. If I take the promotion, I’ll be making $58,000 with no end in sight. Don’t you think you’re being selfish?

Olivia: Don’t you think you’re being selfish?
Oscar: I don’t believe this! I thought you’d be happy for me! See you later, I’m going drinking

with the guys.

Considering the information above, please answer the following questions.

1. Identify Olivia’s topic, relationship, identity and process goals in this conflict.

2. Identify Oscar’s topic, relationship, identity and process goals in this conflict.

3. Choose to be either Oscar or Olivia in this scenario. Then discuss how your (i.e., Oscar’s or

Olivia’s) goals changed. (Hint: think of prospective, transactive and retrospective goals.)

4. While still identifying as Oscar or Olivia, suggest possible solutions to this conflict and state why

you believe these possible solutions may result in the best outcome given the situation.

5. What suggestions do you, as yourself, have for the parties in this conflict?

Answer 1

Note: This response is in UK English, please paste the response to MS Word and you should be able to spot discrepancies easily. You may elaborate the answer based on personal views or your classwork if necessary.

(Answer) (1) Olivia:

T – Olivia wants to stay in the town they presently live in and she is fighting for that cause.

R – Olivia and Oscar are married and have a life that is complementary to each other.

I – In this interaction, Olivia has an identity of a person who is unwilling to make a change that she does not want to make in her life. She does not want to sacrifice her social work job in the current town, to take it up in another town.

P – Logic should surely dictate the conversation that follows because so far, Olivia hasn’t provided a logical reason as to why she does not want to move.

(2) Oscar:

T – Oscar wants to pursue his big promotion in Chicago and is looking forward to acquiring the support of his wife.

R – Oscar and Olivia are husband and wife and are socially compatible with each other, which causes Oscar to hope that they would be compatible with this decision as well.

I – In this interaction, Oscar simply does not understand how his wife is not supporting him by moving away with him to Chicago. He is distraught that he isn’t receiving the support that he hoped he would.

P – Oscar should also leave some room for Olivia to get comfortable with this big change before asking her to make a big change in her life for the sake of his promotion.

(3) If I were Olivia, I would be outgoing and social as mentioned in the passage above. My job might be good but it pays a lot less than that my husband’s. It was only a matter of time before Oscar would talk about how he makes more money than me or that I would exhibit insecurities about making much less than him.

With the new promotion, there would be an even bigger income gap and I would have to be my career in a new place. Such a transition that further divides the career gap would make me very apprehensive. Even though I am outgoing and wouldn’t particularly mind the move to Chicago, the overwhelming emotions that I am facing right now have caused me to come up with an illogical reason of not liking Chicago.

(4) The possible solution would be for Oscar to move to Chicago and have Olivia take a small leave from work to perhaps volunteer in Chicago. Perhaps this experiment would help Olivia get some context on her reason for a dislike for Chicago. She would be able to face any other underlying emotions that she might have about the promotion, the move and their relationship.

(5) Suggestion: The terrible thing to do would be to rush into any decision. Even if Olivia agreed to move and they have a problem of coping with the economic dynamics in their relationship, this issue would come up at some time. Oscar would need to agree not to be selfish simply because he makes more money and Olivia would have to agree to not be insecure simply because she makes less. They would both have to acknowledge that their income should be a topic that is openly discussed and dealt with. Eventually, they would be able to compromise and even decide to move together.