Question

ocument for Analysis: Poor Persuasive Request Going to Texas 7-Eleven Owners (Objs. 1, 2 and 3)

Your Task. Analyze the following poorly written persuasive e-mail request.

Make a list its weaknesses. Rewrite the email making the needed changes.

To:	7-Eleven Franchise Owners Association of Texas
From:	Terry Navarro <[email protected]>
Subject:	Plastic-Wrapped Fruit Not for Us!
Cc:
Bcc:

Hey, have you heard about this new thing coming at us? As a 7-Eleven franchise owner and member of the 7-Eleven Franchise Owners Association of Texas, I am seriously put off about this move to wrap our bananas in plastic. Sure, it would extend their shelf life to five days. And I know that our customers want yellow-not brown—bananas. But wrapping them in plastic?? I mentioned this at home, and my teenage daughter immediately turned up her nose and said, “A banana wrapped in plastic? Eeeyooo! Do we really need more plastic clogging up the environment?” She’s been studying sustainability and said that more plastic packaging is not a sustainable solution to our problem.

I realize that we 7-Eleven franchisees are increasingly dependent on fresh food sales as cigarette sales tank. But plastic-wrapped bananas is going too far, even if the wrapping slows ripening. As members of the 7-Eleven Franchise Owners Association, we have to do something. I think we could insist that our supplier Fresh Del Monte come up with a wrapper that’s biodegradable. On the other hand, extending the shelf life of bananas cuts the carbon footprint by cutting down all those deliveries to our stores.

We have a meeting of franchisees coming up on February 1. Let’s resist this banana thing!

Terry

10.14

Persuasive Claim: Hawaiian Toner Scam (Obj. 3)

Heather W. was new to her job as administrative assistant at the Waialae Country Club in Honolulu. Alone in the office one morning, she answered a phone call from Rick, who said he was the country club’s copier contractor. “Hey, look, Babydoll,” Rick purred, “the price on the toner you use is about to go way up. I can offer you a great price on this toner if you order right now.” Heather knew that the copy machine regularly needed toner, and she thought she should probably go ahead and place the order to save the country club some money. Then days later two bottles of toner arrived, and Heather was pleased at the perfect timing. The copy machine needed it right away. Three weeks later Maureen, the bookkeeper, called to report a bill from Copy Machine Specialists for $960.43 for two bottles of toner. “What’s going on here?” said Maureen. “We don’t purchase supplies from this company, and this price is totally off the charts!”

Heather spoke to the manager, Steven Tanaka, who immediately knew what had happened. He blamed himself for not training Heather. “Never, never order anything from a telephone solicitor, no matter how fast-talking or smooth he sounds,” warned Steven. He outlined an office policy for future supplies purchases. Only certain people can authorize or finalize a purchase, and purchases require a confirmed price including shipping costs settled in advance. But what to do about this $960.43 bill? The country club had already begun to use the toner, although the current copies were looking faint and streaked.

Your Task . As Steven Tanaka, decide how to respond to this obvious scam.

Should you pay the bill?

Should you return the unused bottle?

Answer 1

Weakness in this e-mail are

- Poorly drafting

-It doesnot look like a formal business communication

- It lacks the flow of communication

-It has various grammatical and fragmentation mistake

-It has used various casual words which should be avoided.

It should be like this

Make a list its weaknesses. Rewrite the email making the needed changes.

To:	7-Eleven Franchise Owners Association of Texas
From:	Terry Navarro <[email protected]>
Subject:	Proposal for using alternative measure for storing banana inplace of plastic wrapping
Cc:
Bcc:

Dear,

Greetings of the day and I hope and wish that your are doing excellent in your life.I have recently came across a new technique for wrapping fruits which will be biodegradable and unharm to the environment. As a 7-Eleven franchise owner and member of the 7-Eleven Franchise Owners Association of Texas,We should end the practice of wrapping bananas in plastic. The advantages of doing this will be

-It will extend their shelf life to five days.

-Customers will get yellow banana not brown

-It will reduce the plastic clogging in the environment.

I want to bring your notice an experience I have faced in my house when my 7 years older daughter told me that as a customer she will not prefer to have banana which is wrapped in plastic and cite me instances of suatainable ptractice to save the environment. If a kid of this tender age have such thinking then we can think how grown people have perception about this plastic wrappin and environmental protection. I have a plan to use the alternative practice and that will be that our supplier Fresh Del Monte come up with a wrapper that’s biodegradable. On the other hand, extending the shelf life of bananas cuts the carbon footprint by cutting down all those deliveries to our stores. Have a look on this matter and we will decide the future course of action in our next meetings.

Thanks and Regards:

Terr