Question

Nadine has been dating Jim for eight years. They began dating in college and Nadine reports that she remained supportive of Jim throughout his years in medical school and residency as a doctor. Nadine reports that it has not always been easy for her as she often will feel neglected by Jim due to his busy schedule, though she has never communicated these feelings to Jim, since she does not want to appear “selfish” or “nagging” and she does not want to be a cause of further stress in his life. Nadine was recently diagnosed with kidney disease, which has created a considerable amount of stress in her personal and professional life. She reports that her graduate school program was not understanding of her need to miss classes due to multiple doctor appointments. Furthermore, she was not able to request a medical leave from her program, which ultimately led to her having to leave her graduate program due to her medical issues. Nadine reports that while she has discussed these current stressors with Jim, he does not always appear to understand the loss she is feeling. She reports that Jim will tell her that she should seek legal action against her school and that she should not be so passive. Nadine reports that Jim is often dismissive regarding the severity of her condition, noting that she will be fine. Nadine expresses a desire for Jim to accompany her on doctor appointments, however she will not ask him as he has repeatedly mentioned how busy he is and how little time he has for himself outside of work. Nadine reports that she will often cry to herself every day due to the fear she has regarding her health condition as well as her feelings of failure that she was not able to complete her studies due to becoming sick. Nadine has expressed that she would like to have Jim join a session in order to help her communicate what she has been feeling, as well as address the continued detachment she reports within their relationship. Jim has thus far not agreed to join Nadine in therapy, reporting that his schedule does not make it possible and he does not believe that therapy is necessary to address the issues within their relationship, but rather that it is Nadine’s passivity which is causing her unhappiness.

Within the Experiential Approach, there are four different styles of communicators in relationships (placter, blamer, super-reasonable, irrelevant) Which style of communication is Nadine often using in her relationships. Which style of communicator is Jim? (Provide examples and rationale to back up your answer).

Answer 1

Nadine has the super reasonable approach. In this approach a person is very compromising and often bears everything the other other does without complaining or protesting. Nadine has been supportive of Jim throughout the years even though he has not supported her, and the fact that Jim neglected her. Apart from this she has also not told Jim about her feelings of being neglected, as she thinks that Jim will feel that she is nagging. She had kidney problems and did not get any support from Jim, and he did not even understand her situation. Here, Nadine is compromising to much and in spite of being neglected and not understood by Jim she is with him and is also afraid to share her feelings with Jim.

Jim's communication style is blamer, he is blaming Nadine for her passivity which is causing her unhappiness. He does not spend enough time with her and says that he is too busy for her problems and does not support her, nor does he understand. He blames her for the problems which she is having and does not admit that, he may be the cause of her problems. He is avoiding responsibilities and neglecting Nadine, and then when Nadine is feeling sad he is blaming her.