Question

Horney’s concept of morbid dependency and the current notion of codependency is controversial; some people feel strongly that codependency does not exist and others feel equally strong that it is a real phenomenon. Provide two examples of codependency. For each example provide a possible explanation for the codependent relationships. How would social learning theory explain a codependent relationship? How would Adler interpret this relationship?

Answer 1

• Morbid dependency exists in all people I believe but some lean more toward codependency. Morbid dependency is when an individual seeks the approval of someone or looks for a partner that will take responsibility for their lives.

• One of the common problems of codependent people is their attempt to control others as a way of managing their own anxiety. This control is rarely overt. Instead, it shows up in manipulative behavior designed to get someone to do something we refuse to directly ask for.

• For example: a husband wants his wife to show affection to him. When she does not do this, he feels ignored and abandoned. But he cannot address these feelings directly because they cause him to feel high levels of anxiety. When he considers the possibility of asking her to be more affectionate, he projects into the future the possibility that she will say "no", which also raises his anxiety. He focuses on this possibility more than the possibility that she will say "yes", using past negative experiences to support his prediction rather than remembering times she has been affectionate with him to support a prediction that she might say "yes".

• What the codependent person needs to do is feel their anxiety rather than use various methods to avoid it, and resolve the underlying issues that cause it.

• In this case, the husband needs to address the feelings of abandonment and rejection that he suffered as a child that are causing him to feel unlovable and unworthy when his wife doesn't show affection. He needs to raise his self-esteem and learn to directly ask for affection from his wife.

• If she is actually unwilling to show him the affection he needs, he needs to get strong enough to evaluate his relationship from a more logical place and decide whether enough of his needs are being met to warrant staying.

• In the past, codependency was associated with people who enabled alcohol abusers and drug addicts. Now, the term has become broader and is associated with emotional dependency because parents play such an important role in shaping the identity of their children; it is not uncommon to see this issue at a young age. Codependency as an adult may very well in fact have its origins in childhood.

• Children need a lot of time and devotion. They need parental guidance to help them develop into strong and secure individuals. Therefore, it is essential that parents spend good quality time encouraging their child to explore life, to believe in who he/she is, and most importantly to feel loved, accepted and secure. Often codependent children lack a positive parent-child relationship. They lack confidence to succeed and many don't feel accepted.

• Many children suffer from anxiety disorders, which are related to both codependency and anxiety. Anxiety disorders are the most prevalent mental health disorder facing youth today as they affect approximately 13% of children which is increasingly high. Codependency may contribute to separation anxiety and social anxiety.

• The social interactions that have the greatest influence are with the people who mattered to us as we grew up. This includes parents and other family members.People have a powerful need for social interaction. Therefore, it becomes important to consider the compelling social nature of many codependent relationships.Codependent people who believe they can’t survive without their partners do anything they can to stay in their relationships, however painful. The fear of losing their partners and being abandoned overpowers any other feelings they might have.

• According to Adler, everyone, child and adult, strives to experience success as a social being. An individual who experiences consistent and genuine personal confidence is able to consistently interact with others without fear, anger, judgment, need to manipulate and develops a healthy relationship rather than a co-dependent one.

• Codependency theorists like Adler believe the danger for the codependent is a loss of identity due to an inability to establish personal boundaries or limits.