Question

A lot of attention has been given to the impact of divorce on the life of children. The assumption has been that divorce has a strong, negative impact on the child and that single-parent families are deficient in some way.

How is a family impacted by divorce?

What are some of the short -term and long-term consequences that affect a family that has been disrupted by divorce?

What are some suggestions for taking care of the self after a divorce?

Answer 1

• When parents divorce each other, another sort of divorce occurs between the parents and their children. The primary effect of divorce (and of the parental conflict that precedes the divorce) is a decline in the relationship between parent and child.
• Immediately after a divorce, most parents have two sets of problems: their adjustment to their own intrapsychic conflicts and to their role as a divorced parent.
• The stress of divorce tends to weaken and even damage the parent-child relationship for divorced mothers.
• After a divorce, family relationships are never normal. There is a lot of emotional disturbance to every member affected by it. It takes a really long time to truly get over the trauma and confusion about love, life and relationships.
• The animosity of the past often spills over to the future romantic liaisons of the man and wife as well as their children.
• One or both partners may face emotional, psychological and financial troubles. The failure of their marriage can often make them feel lonely and rejected.
• The divorce affects the housing arrangements, health and economic status. In an equation wherein children are involved, custody battles may ensue.
• Though the child’s ability to trust their parents, close friends, and others “is strongly linked to positive parent-teen relationships regardless of parental divorce,”parental divorce makes it more difficult for children to trust their parents,while a “decline in the closeness of the parent-child relationship mediates much of the association between parental divorce, marital discord, and offspring’s psychological wellbeing in adulthood.”
• Separation from either of the parents may breed a psychological muddle of issues like insecurity due to abandonment, instability and uncertainty of the future causing extreme mood swings, depression, resentment, suicidal tendencies, promiscuity, substance abuse, inability to trust and/or a lack of ambition in later life.
  
• In a post-divorce scenario, many children are at the risk of losing their emotional bond and becoming estranged from their relatives, neighbors and friends.
• For teens, the social stigma of a broken family may subject them to the antagonism of their peers at school or worse, they may be pitied which can further add insult to injury.
• Behavioral problems such as impulsiveness and aggressiveness are common traits amongst the children of divorced couples.
• The academic performance of the children also suffers. Since every divorce comes at a price, literally, financial difficulties may prompt them to drop out and gain no education.
• There are two sides to a coin. The ability of a family to cope with the divorce is a deciding factor on the effect of divorce on them - whether positive or negative. Hence, it is the parents' responsibility to support their children and handle this situation with patience and diplomacy.
• Once a couple has chosen to separate, the children must be given enough time and support to come to terms with the reality. If you're considering a divorce, be honest with your children and help them understand your side as well.
• Be real and factual, but, keep a positive undertone in your discussion. Make them aware about the reasons behind the divorce.
• What is really important is that you spend more time with the kids to help them find an outlet to express their feelings. It will reduce their grief period so, they don't end up withdrawing and feeling isolated.
• Give constant emotional and financial support to your children so that they would be ready to accept the changes.
• Divorce can be a bitter pill to swallow, but by getting everything out in the open, partners can often mutually recognize and agree on the best decision for them. This common ground in the decision helps prevent resentment and feelings of having been a victim going forward.
• There are situations where one partner is more at fault than another, but most of the time, partners contribute more or less equally to issues in a relationship. It may be challenging to recognize our part, but if we try, we can feel more in control, more empowered, and heal faster from an ended relationship.
• Going through a divorce can feel extremely chaotic. Change takes over both our inner and outer lives. During times this stressful it can be helpful to simplify our focus on the basics. Prioritize your sleep and healthful, regular eating. These two things will help your emotional system cope with the stress and help your mind integrate the changes.
• Another staple of self-care, exercise can help lower stress and anxiety by stimulating the production of positive hormones and neurochemicals. Exercise is known to ward off depression and helps us channel our emotions through physical activity.
  
• Joining a therapy group where you bond with others who also help you stay on track with your self-care goals can feel very supportive.
• Self-care is one of the most important activities to engage in during and after a divorce. Part of self-care is enlisting the help of friends and others to support you in specific ways through such a sensitive time.