Question

*MINIMUM 250 WORDS*

Purpose: To discuss the differences and interrelationship of romance and friendship and their implications for long-term marriages.

1. How would you answer the following question?

“If a person had all the other qualities you desired, would you marry that person if you were not in love?” Why or why not? What is the basis of your answer?

Cross-cultural studies suggested being in love is becoming a universal basis for marriage and that today’s marriages depend more and more on the “sweetness of its contents.” Yet, scholars argue that high divorce rates may result from people’s adoption of romantic love as a primary basis for marriage because it may lead to unrealistic expectations of emotional fulfillment. This conclusion is supported by studies showing that while all couples experience a decline in their marital satisfaction, couples most likely to divorce began their marriages with the highest levels of affection and romance and showed the steepest decline in marital satisfaction.  

Many scholars argue that marriages might be more successful if they were built on deep and abiding friendship rather than romantic love. Evidence for this conclusion comes from studies of long-term happily married couples that say friendship, not romance, is the foundation for an enduring successful marriage.

Do you agree with these conclusions? Are “too high” romantic expectations a significant contributor to relationship failure?

2. To explore this issue consider the following questions:

What are the differences between loving someone and being in love with someone? Between a friend and a romantic partner? What do we expect from our romantic partners that we do not expect from our closest friends? (Text Chapter 11 suggests that the major differences between friendship and romantic love involve differences in emotional intensity, clarity of rules, complexities of feelings, and expectations).  

3. Do we expect too much from romance? If you lived with your closest friend for many years do you think you would you have fewer or just as many relationship problems as a typical marriage?

Answer 1

The concept of romantic love involves physical attraction, affection and feeling good about each other who are in relationship. The individuals involved in romantic love usually try to please the other partner with their good behavior and being affectionate, attentive and emotionally positive. These behaviors hinders the actual knowing of each other, that includes the strengths and weaknesses of each other, knowing the limits of each other, knowing the individual spaces of each other, and also accepting each others the way they are. Romantic love is also associated with huge expectations from each others. In long term relationships it's important to know each other , have a deeper understanding and acceptance of flaws and strengths of each other. This type of understanding evolves when there is a deeper level of friendship with each other.

In the relationship of deep friendship we accept our friends as they are. We respect their individual preferences, their demand for personal space, and respect for what they are. This makes the friendship more enduring than romance with impractical expectation. We usually do not take the criticisms of our good friends in a negative way, but, if it's our romantic partner who criticizes us, then possibly we would feel hurt and would affect our relationship. In romantic relationships we always expect goodness and positivity and a slight difference in these creates greater gaps.

Being in a long time relationships require ability to endure the hardships that may comes in one's life together, to stay firm and to help each other, to love each other unconditionally, which means less expectations and higher degree of dedication for each other. This form of understanding develops when we are in deep friendship but such friendship also require romance to add spark to the relationship. Thus, deep friendship is the base for successful long term relationship of which romance is in secondary role but is an important part of it.